Year 1 - Perfectly Perfect!

Ewan is turning 1 in a couple of weeks and along with the party planning comes all the memories and emotions I had this time last year...  I distinctly remember terror and deep sadness, but also relief to have received the baby we were told would likely not make it.  We didn't know before hand that he would have Down Syndrome, our docs suspected Trisomy 13 or 18 and of course, we were prepared for the worst.  I think Ewan's DS diagnosis was so shocking because I knew there was no way he could have it!  I had prayed and prayed that if we were meant to have him he would be born perfectly perfect, and I knew that God was going to deliver on my request!  How could he not?  So when this little guy came 8 weeks early and flew into this world with a bang, I KNEW HE WAS PERFECT!
 I saw Ewan for a minute in the delivery room and again later for a few minutes before he was transported to Levine Children's Hospital for specialized cardiac support, he had been diagnosed with an AV canal defect at 19 wks.  I didn't see him again until the next day - I was transported to Levine's and after being admitted was finally wheeled down to the progressive care NICU.  It was surreal and overwhelming, this boy literally glowed!!!  He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen! Delicate features and the lightest blonde hair, just stunning!! Here was my perfect boy!!
Ewan's face had some swelling from the rough delivery, so John and I didn't suspect DS right away - I'm sure his docs did but we didn't.  I think I really knew when I finally got to hold him.  He was like a tiny rag doll in my hands.  I didn't remember Jack being this way...  We had our answer by Mother's Day.  
I fell apart for a few days struggling to understand why this was happening, but the one thing that made me forget about his "diagnosis" was being able to hold him!  With every minute of cuddle time we had, the fear of "what am I going to do with this boy?" quickly changed to the fear of "what am I going to do if I lose this boy?"  Ewan spent the first 3 months of his life in NICU and then went back for open heart surgery mid October.  He flew through the surgery with no complications and has been getting stronger with every passing day!  

Now, a year later, all those feelings of sadness and despair have faded into a swirl of love and hope and joy!  Ewan has forever changed my perception of happiness and perfection - he embodies all that is divine, I KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING HE WAS PERFECT!!